


Fixing You

by Limebrus



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Abuse, M/M, and definitely not psychological based, but hey it's fiction and that means a bit of freedom, crosspost, honestly it is weird and not logical and not scientifically based at all, repost, younglo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 15:37:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9278288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Limebrus/pseuds/Limebrus
Summary: It's not your fault.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is a crosspost and an old fic. dont take this fic too seriously btw

“It happened again.” It was a statement, no doubt nor uncertainty lay in the beloved voice. Youngjae could hear the sadness, the self-loathing, and the guilt.

“Junhong,” Youngjae mumbled, trying to sit up straight in their bed. He couldn't, it was too painful to even move.

“You should leave me. Leave me and never return.”

Youngjae moved, not to sit up, but to lay on his back so he could see Junhong better. He didn't care how much it hurt, he needed to see his lover. What he saw broke his heart; Junhong was sitting on the bed, legs drawn up and face buried in his knees.

“Junhong,” Youngjae mumbled again, this time making sure it was soft and loving. “I don't wanna leave you, I love you too much.” The words had the opposite effect of what Youngjae wanted, instead of getting the younger to look at him his shoulder sagged.

“You should though.”

“No.”

“Youngjae, I-” Finally Junhong uncovered his face and their eyes met. Junhong's face was tear stained and Youngjae wanted to reach out and touch him reassuringly, but lifting his arm was a bit too painful and he ended up stopping in the middle and just dropped his arm back on the mattress as a low whine escaped him.

Junhong blanched, staring at Youngjae in horror. His eyes swiped over Youngjae's form, tears forming in his eyes as he did so. Youngjae had no idea how he looked like, but he could imagine it just by how he felt.

Youngjae winced and sucked in his breath as gentle fingers traced his cheek, worried eyes staring down at him. He smiled up at his lover, it was a tired smile, but a smile nonetheless. Junhong returned it, but it was weak and didn't quite reach his eyes.

“It's still in the middle of the night. Go to sleep, Junhongie,” Youngjae urged softly. He wanted to sleep himself, that way he wouldn't feel pain for a few hours.

Junhong hesitated for a bit before he laid down on the bed again, laying an arm over Youngjae's stomach and burying his face on the side of Youngjae's shoulder. The older smiled and placed his arm on top of Junhong's.

“I'm so sorry,” Junhong said after a while, Youngjae could hear how broken he sounded.

“It's not your fault.”

“Yes it is.”

Youngjae presses his arm down on Junhong's. “No it's not.” He turned his head towards Junhong, who in turn looked up at him. The younger man leaned forward and planted a short, sweet kiss on Youngjae's lips.

Junhong placed another peck on Youngjae's swollen cheek.“I should leave. I should turn myself in or get treatment somewhere.”

Youngjae panicked and without meaning to he dug his nails in Junhong's arms, not that he showed any reaction to the pain he surely must have felt.

“No!”

“Youngjae, it wou-”

Youngjae's breathing quickened and his heart was beating furiously. “I don't wanna lose you. Please, they'll take you away. I love you.” He soothingly rubbed the spot he had dug his nails into earlier. “I need you.”

He was sure he sounded pathetic or weak, but he couldn't care less. It was the truth. No matter what, Youngjae needed Junhong in his life. He had never loved someone as much as he had loved him.

“But I don't wanna keep hurting you.” Junhong sounded so defeated, it tore at Youngjae's soul. He wanted nothing more than to help and fix his lover.

“It's not you who is hurting me.” He smiled lovingly at the younger. “It's not your fault.” A deep breath, eyes turning hateful. “It's all Zelo's fault.”

-

Zelo.

A name which induced fear in both Youngjae's and Junhong's hearts. Six months ago, a year into their relationship and not long after they had moved in together, Youngjae had the pleasure of meeting Zelo.

He had gotten home late at night after hanging out with his best friend and he was surprised to see Junhong awake. He had told the younger that he wouldn't be home until late and that there was no point in staying up.

Just as he opened his mouth to greet the younger he was forcefully slammed into the wall, his back crinkling with pain, while a set of furious eyes stared down at him. Youngjae was taken aback, he had never seen the younger manlook at him in such a way before.

“Where were you?” Junhong growled.

Youngjae furrowed his eyebrows, feeling confused. “You know where I was. What the hell is wrong with you?”

Junhong didn't answer, he just pushed Youngjae even harder against the wall. Youngjae's back was still throbbing in pain and the pressure didn't help.

“I don't want you to go anywhere with that friend of yours. You should be here, with us.”

Us? That made Youngjae even more confused, who the hell was 'us'? But he forgot his train of thought when Junhong began pressing against him so hard he nearly couldn't breathe.

“Stop it.” Youngjae began struggling, trying to get out of the strong grip. Junhong danced often in his spare time and worked up muscles; muscles Youngjae couldn't rival against. “Let me go, it hurts, Junhong.”

Junhong loosened the grip, but only slightly, and leaned closer so his lips brushed against Youngjae's ear.

“My name isn't Junhong. It's Zelo.”

Junhong then let go of Youngjae and sauntered towards their bedroom. Youngjae stared after him while he slowly fell down on the floor and curled himself into a ball as he cried silently. He was scared. He had never seen this sort of anger from Junhong before. Their relationship had always been sweet and warm, with the occasional fight here and there.

And Zelo? Who the hell was Zelo? He didn't really understand, but he did understand that the one who had attacked him tonight hadn't been his sweet and cute boyfriend. This was someone else entirely. Someone to fear.

-

The day after he still hadn't moved from the spot. He had cried himself to sleep and slept there the rest of the night. He slept until sound of feet hitting the wooden planks woke him; Junhong was up. If it was Junhong at all. Youngjae shivered slightly in fright, but did not move.

“Youngjae?”

He didn't answer.

“Oh thank god, there you are. You have no idea how scared I was when I woke up and you weren't sleeping beside me. I didn't hear you come home last night, I was afraid something had happened to you.”

That voice, filled with such love and adoration. It couldn't be anyone else but his boyfriend. Slowly he uncurled and sat up, staring straight at Junhong and smiling when he saw the familiar eyes of his boyfriend. They were nothing like the ones he had seen last night.

“Junhong,” Youngjae called, voice hoarse from crying and sleeping.

His younger boyfriend looked at him with concern. “Did you sleep there the entire night?”A sigh. “That's not good for your body.”

Before Junhong got the chance to say anything more Youngjae stood up and embraced him, hugging him close. The younger man became silent, but reciprocated the hug.

“Junhong?” Youngjae pressed his cheek against Junhong's shoulder.

“Yeah?”

“Who's Zelo?”

Youngjae felt Junhong completely stiffen and he pulled away from the hug to see Junhong's face.

“So that's why I can't remember a part of yesterday,” Junhong mulled, eyes full of terror as he stared at Youngjae. “Oh god no, what did I do?”

Youngjae quickly pulled him closer again, hugging him warmly.

“You did nothing wrong, don't worry.”

-

Junhong had told him that he occasionally experienced black outs, but it happened so few and far in between that it didn't really bother him. All he knew was that a second persona, named Zelo, would take over, but normally he wouldn't do much harm. At least nothing illegal, as far as Junhong knew.

Youngjae was a bit disappointed and hurt to know that Junhong had never told him about this. They had been together for a year and he was sure they had told each other everything, but he didn't really blame him. It wasn't something that was easy to share, so he forgave him.

Working in the field, Youngjae knew there was a reason a second personality existed and he had tried to ask Junhong if something had happened in his past that could have created Zelo. He had no idea and Youngjae saw the sincerity in his eyes. He guessed Zelo was the one who knew why and if Youngjae ever met him again he would ask.

He had also thought that something must have forced Zelo to appear that day, so Youngjae had asked if there was some underlying issues they needed to talk about. If he actually didn't like Youngjae going out to hang with a friend until late into the night. Junhong had shook his head and said he had nothing against it, that he himself liked going out with friends too and that friends were important.

Youngjae guessed that maybe it was only the Zelo personality who didn't like this. Well, as long as his boyfriend, his Junhong, didn't have a problem with it then it shouldn't be a big deal. Junhong did say that Zelo appeared so rarely that it could even take years before the next time.

-

But it didn't take years, it only took a mouth. This time Zelo appeared in the middle of the day just after Youngjae had returned from work. Junhong was always finished at work just a few hours before Youngjae and he would always welcome the older man with a short peck on the cheek. But he didn't this time.

Instead he was welcomed by a hug, but he was holding a little tighter than what was comfortable and his hands were gripping Youngjae's hips almost painfully. He knew this wasn't Junhong at once.

“Zelo,” Youngjae said, trying to push away from the hug, but to no avail.

“Last time I told you that you should be here, with us, didn't I?” Zelo didn't sound too happy and Youngjae felt fear trickle into his heart.

“I have to work, Zelo.” He tried his best not to let his fear show, but he wasn't sure he managed to do that. The hands on his hips pressed harder and Youngjae nearly winced in pain.

“No, you don't have to.”

Youngjae visibly shivered. He feared this person.

-

The day after Junhong had been so bewildered, he didn't understand how or why Zelo would appear when it normally took a long time between each 'visit'. The look on Junhong's face as he saw the bruises Zelo had created on Youngjae's hips was filled with guilt Youngjae could only hug him and tell him it wasn't his fault. After that Zelo appeared at least once a week, each time creating new bruises on Youngjae's skin.

And in the past weeks he appeared even more often than just once a week and it scared both Junhong and Youngjae.

He would always appear after Youngjae had been at work or out for a few hours. He would punish Youngjae for not being home. Youngjae got more and more terrified. He tried to reason with Zelo, tried to find out why he was like this. Why he had been created, but Youngjae had little success.

Each time Junhong returned after a 'visit' from Zelo the look on his face always broke Youngjae's heart. Junhong had cried so much, tried to tell him that maybe breaking up would be for the best, but Youngjae refused to let go and only hugged him close.

Putting him in a mental facility would mean that they would be parted and Youngjae wouldn't let that happen. He would rather find the solution himself, it should be his area of expertise; after all, he was a psychologist. He knew he could fix Junhong.

Whenever he left the apartment he wasn't really going to work any more as he had taken a temporary leave so that he could have more time to research. He would find a way to get rid of Zelo and make Junhong happy again. Make them happy as a couple again.

It was hard to go out and research though. Zelo never let him leave the apartment and whenever Junhong was around he too didn't let him leave as he was afraid it would prompt Zelo to return and beat up Youngjae again. Youngjae just begged though and used words to convince Junhong that it was okay and that nothing would happen. That was a lie of course, more often than not Zelo was the one home whenever Youngjae returned.

But Youngjae had finally found the solution, something to get rid of Zelo. He just needed Junhong to agree.

-

Junhong was tending the wounds as Youngjae was telling him about his plan. He would put him in a hypnosis and try to lock Zelo deep into Junhong's brain, making him unable to leave his little cell. Extensive research had caused him to find experimental treatments of how to lock away bad habits mentally and Youngjae figured it could be potentially used to look away personality traits too - and maybe even another personality. 

“And then he will be gone forever?” Junhong asked as he put away the first aid kit and slipped under the cover so that he could cuddle with the older.

“Hopefully, yes. He might be able to escape the mental 'prison', but it should take years and if or when he does that we'll just repeat the process,” Youngjae answered and pressed a light kiss against Junhong's cheek.

“Okay, let's do it. I'll do anything to make him disappear. I'm sick of seeing you beaten and hurt.” Junhong looked determined, a fighting spirit was visible in his eyes. “So, what do I have to do then?”

“Well, you have to fight him and win against him, I can only guide you.”

He could see Junhong got visibly frightened and uncertain so he lifted his hand and traced his cheek soothingly.

“Don't worry,” Youngjae mumbled. “You are strong, I know you can do it.”

Junhong bit his lip and his eyes flickered. “I'm not so sure.”

Youngjae silenced him with a quick kiss. “It'll be fine, just believe in yourself.”

Junhong still looked uncertain, so Youngjae grabbed him and pulled the boy on top of him. Youngjae's body ached in pain, but he ignored it and lifted his head up slightly so that he could kiss him. Junhong immediately responded and put more pressure into the kiss, their lips moving slowly together.

Youngjae poured all of his love into the kiss, trying to convey his feelings and his trust. He wanted Junhong to believe in himself, to understand that he was strong and that he could do it.

Hands brushed Youngjae's sides lovingly, while Youngjae had wrapped his arms around the younger boy and was rubbing him soothingly on the back. The kiss ended and Junhong rolled off, lying down on his side again. Youngjae smiled softly when he saw how his boyfriend seemed to have gained a little confidence.

“So, when?” Junhong asked.

“First let's sleep a little, I can barely move. We'll do it when we get up.”

“Okay.”

The couple wrapped their arms around each other and slept peacefully, enjoying each other's warmth.

-

Junhong was lying on the couch and Youngjae sat on a chair next to him. Junhong's eyes were closed and Youngjae was talking in a slow, comfortable voice. The room was dimmed and no other sounds but Youngjae's voice could be heard. He had just put Junhong under a hypnosis, had told him to imagine somewhere peaceful and he was completely relaxed. Now the hard part would start.

“Junhong?”

“Yeah?”

“I need you to seek out Zelo.”

The relaxed state the younger male had been in was instantly broken, Youngjae saw how he visibly stiffened.

“Seek out? How?” Junhong asked, voice strained.

“Just try to find him, thinking of him should work. When you see him, try to envision that you are locking him inside of a prison.”

Honestly, Youngjae was grasping after straws here. Locking Zelo while envisioning it sounded kind of idiotic, but it was quite logical. Zelo was a creation formed in Junhong's mind, therefore it should be possible to lock him inside there as well. It would have been even easier if he knew why Zelo had been created, but only Zelo knew the reason and he would never tell.

Youngjae could only wait and stare as Junhong tried to do as he was told. He could see Junhong's eyes move behind the eyelids, as if he was looking around. Youngjae wondered what it looked like, what place Junhong had imagined.

He wished he could be there with Junhong, stand next to him and fight with him. Sadly, it was impossible. This was a battle Junhong had to fight alone. If Youngjae could reach into his boyfriend's head, he would, but that's not how it worked.

“He's here.”

Junhong's voice was nothing more than a whisper and it sounded so full of fear. Youngjae wanted to reach out and hug the younger, but he was afraid it would interfere with the hypnosis.

“He's coming towards me. Oh god, what am I supposed to do?” The younger was panicking.

“Fight him, imagine you are locking him away forever.”

Junhong gasped loudly in fear and shock as his body stiffened before it completely relaxed. Youngjae jumped up from his chair and quickly grasped Junhong's shoulders, shaking the younger.

Youngjae was relieved to see that Junhong was only unconscious, but he was still worried. This was not normal, what had happened? Youngjae knelt down on the floor beside the couch and rested his head on it while he held one of Junhong's hands.

Had it worked? Or was Zelo still there? He wouldn't know until Junhong woke up, but as long as he was okay Youngjae would be satisfied. He had gotten quite a scare when Junhong had stilled. Youngjae peered up at his lover, making sure he was breathing even if he had already checked. He was still a bit shaken.

He slowly lifted a hand and placed it on Junhong's cheek, tracing his thumb gently over the soft skin. His hand slipped down from the face and instead landed on top of Junhong's chest, feeling the slow, steady heartbeat under his palm. It felt reassuring to be able to feel the heartbeat and he placed his head on top of Junhong's chest as well, wanting to hear it too.

The sound and feel of the heartbeat slowly lulled him to sleep.

-

When Youngjae woke up he wasn't in the living room any more, instead he was in the bed and arms were wrapped tightly around him. A slow smile found its place on his face as he realised Junhong must have carried him and placed him in the bed. He carefully turned around in the embrace, so that he was facing Junhong. Still sleep-induced, he pressed a chaste kiss against his lover's lips. He was glad Junhong was okay.

Sleep was slowly luring him back, but arms tightening around him pulled him out again. It was a bit uncomfortable and Youngjae let out a soft whine.

“Junhong,” Youngjae mumbled, voice thick from sleep and eyes closed. “Too tight.”

His lover didn't loosen the hold, instead hands pressed harder against his back and he could feel small puffs fanning his cheek as the younger moved closer.

“Wrong name.”


End file.
